she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
