What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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