If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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