where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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