: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
