hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
