i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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