Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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