as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The air was thick with penises
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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