pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
