I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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