You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
