fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
