Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
