Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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