so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
