I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
