i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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