that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
