it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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