captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
