her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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