Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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