can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
