I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
