she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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