so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
