so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
