3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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