ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
