did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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