I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
