I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
