"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
