By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
