Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
