we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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