I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
