Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
