i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
