You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
