K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I cockslap morals
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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