Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Couch. On fire.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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