When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As shirtless as possible
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
