I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Acid is not a monday night drug
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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