i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
