I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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