I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
