I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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