I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
