Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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