I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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