You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
