I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize