dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
