I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
