Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago

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  (402): I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago http://tfl.nu/aauf
  Replies (16) Good night (3486) Bad night (1310)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

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  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4536) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

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  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (8199) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups

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  (412): All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups http://tfl.nu/m0gn
  Replies (2) Good night (2629) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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  (905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u
  Replies (4) Good night (1846) Bad night (2867) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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  (404): The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/hmmb
  Replies (8) Good night (699) Bad night (3857) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

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  (310): I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer. http://tfl.nu/s9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (2508) Bad night (882)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.

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  (402): Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others. http://tfl.nu/fg60
  Replies (5) Good night (1636) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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  (651): Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/buth
  Replies (1) Good night (1594) Bad night (458)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from. 

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  (832): I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.  http://tfl.nu/6jpo
  Replies (2) Good night (974) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.

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  (401): Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks. http://tfl.nu/etsv
  Replies (5) Good night (1205) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i think i broke my dog last night...fuck

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  (319): i think i broke my dog last night...fuck http://tfl.nu/y38t
  Replies (6) Good night (330) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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  (574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei
  Replies (7) Good night (1486) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.

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  (608): either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide. http://tfl.nu/6k1c
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (154) Order T-Shirt
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me

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  (276): I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me http://tfl.nu/m1mj
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (76) Order T-Shirt

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