I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?