yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.