Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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it glows. i had to have it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it