ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
