I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have fence marks all over my body
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
