I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??