I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
