Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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