so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
