my being single is dangerous.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
