I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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