I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
