I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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