Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
